Tag Archives: star wars

Harry Potter, vader choses james

Following on from part one….where Snape revealed to Harry Skywalker that they are father and son….

Snape was looking over at Harry with his broken glasses eating his cheese on toast. Snape thought to himself, ‘what a boring child I’ve inherited, and doesn’t he know that Specsavers can fix this type of thing’. Harry was eating very loudly. This annoyed Snape who thought ‘its going to be another five years before this young child is the fearless wizard who defeats the forces of evil’.

As all adults know… the characters in Hogwhizz have the possibility to change forms, and change their minds.

“Harry,” said Snape…

“Yes dad” Harry replied.

“I’m not your dad in fact, it was a silly story I made up because I wanted to see how strong your mind is,”

“Oh” said Harry, then “oh!” as he found himself back in his cupboard under the stairs at Uncle Vernon’s.

Snape swished down his tea and decided to take the good of what he’d gained from the fathering idea, and changed his appearance into Darth Vader.

He swanned around the castle for a bit, and then transported himself to L.A in the 1970s where he found 007 sunning himself with a few scantily clad ladies on a film set.

“James!!” said Snape (whilst looking like Darth Vader)

“Hullo Mr Vader” said James, “Aren’t you supposed to be in the filming unit at Beverly Hills?”

“James, I’m your true father,” said Vader (who was secretly amused and Snape).

“Oh, right…” said James. “Today I’m shooting villains and flying in the helicopter, then finishing the day with a double martini”.

“Excellent … that’s a much better son” thought Snape appearing as Vader.

And off they went chasing baddies whilst breathing loudly and swigging martini.

harry skywalker – the amazing story remixed

One day Harry Skywalker had an email ping through…. it was in his spam, but he decided to check it.

“Hullo Harry Skywalker” the message said…. did your get our invitation to Hogwhizz dot com?

Harry Skywalker scratched his head. He’d had an email from BIT-CON but ignored it. Surely Hogwhizz dot com was all a bit of a swhizz??!!

Then there was a loud knock on the door. Uncle Vernon opened it and a giant man called Hagrid was there, wearing old army cast off clothes. Hagrid said, “is your wifi on? I’ve been trying to remote call Harry Skywalker on WhatsApp.”

Harry went to the door and decided that if he’d had an email from Hogwhizz and Hagrid was there with the electric scooter to take him… well he’d better get going.

They flew off to Hogwhizz and when they arrived Hagrid said, “Harry I’m going to introduce you to part of your family that you don’t know about”.

Harry started his first lesson which was on his Google calendar, it was spell making and spelling with Prof Snape. Not only did Harry Skywalker have to perform the spell but it had to exactly correctly annunciated. That’s what Prof Snape said, and then Snape turned to Harry and said something really surprising…..

“Harry…. I am your true father”………

Harry thought about the dad he was told he had, called James, who was all meek and kind and noble. Then he looked at Snape who was all sinister and creepy and surprising….Harry Skywalker thought to himself, “that’s a better dad offer”.

Then Snape Skywalker and Harry Skywalker decided to have a walk to reset the wifi booster at the edge of Hogwhizz.

It was a lovely 48 hours for Harry, but he needed to get home as there was a parcel to at his old home and then he thought again…. well if he free’d up the cupboard for uncle Vernon, maybe the parcel can be stored there.

So Harry Skywalker made his decision to study at Hogwhizz with his father Snape.