Tag Archives: counselling

Reselling clothes to delete, erase and remove unwanted memories

The film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, was influential when I grew up. I was in early adulthood. You can see the attraction of wanting to edit out and wipe over sources of disappointment and pain. Our lives do fall short of our expectations, or hopes. And sometimes we had placed too much expectation on one of our relationships, or a group of people.

I’ve found reselling items a powerful way to find closure about upsetting or inconclusive memories. And including relationships where there wasn’t a way to say goodbye either.

Reselling helps to remove the items which may trigger a memory which you are wanting to experience less often. Packaging up the item of sentiment, and folding over it with the closure of the parcel then putting it into a postbox. It’s all a metaphor in real life, for letting go of the person or grievance.

We feel resistance to letting go

I’m sure I hold onto more belongings than I should. One significant moment was selling my guitars from my early adulthood. They signified very positive emotions and experiences. Sometimes I think I shouldn’t have sold them. My dad was disappointed. I used the money to purchase a laptop, because in lockdowns I wanted to improve my IT skills.

One person brought a guitar and collected it after driving all the way from Liverpool. Coincidently Liverpool is the last place I truly felt creative with my instrument, as that’s where I went to uni.

The other guitar was brought to be a present for someone’s nephew. There was a sense that someone fresh, younger may find new enjoyment in it.

Letting go mistakes

I wouldn’t tell everyone to sell items which they treasure, if you don’t feel sure over time that you want to sell it, please don’t. Sometimes you are happy to see how you might feel without the items and its sentimental energy. And sometimes there are people who will sell you a sob story to make you feel you should sell your valued item for less.

Rejection and memories of times with low confidence

Items associated with a time when you had low confidence or experienced a vivid rejection, can be helpful to resell. Or you can tidy them away out of sight using storage solutions like zip up coverings for clothes, to keep them safe.

If and when you hear from the new owner of the item, about their positive feelings with the product, then you have created a new memory, a new connection about the object with unwanted emotions attached. And you can start to think of the disappointment or sentimental memory being somehow shared with a new owner, who will help take care of it for you.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0338013/ – The link to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind on IMDB,

‘When their relationship turns sour, a couple undergoes a medical procedure to have each other erased from their memories.’

The concept of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Reselling sentimental items, a much safer way to make peace with unwanted thoughts and disappointments.

Time to Die

Actually the new, delayed Bond film is called ‘No Time To Die’. But the title got me thinking…. when is the best time to die? Is it when you finally pay off the mortgage so you know your family and spouse will be provided for, maybe its quietly in your sleep when you are very old, perhaps the day before a large bill needs paying?

In secondary school we did statistics, and how to work out an average. The mode meant the most popular or frequent time something occurred. Maybe 2020 was a more frequent time to die.

I was thinking of people I knew who passed a few years earlier. And the sense of an individual being the only person in a friendship group or circle, who was facing terminal illness. There was space for the person to receive support. It seemed awful though.

Maybe its in an unexpected accident or something that suddenly puts the full stop on you as a person. Some people who have concussions and find themselves in a coma say they don’t remember anything except one minute having a normal life and then after some dreamlike nightmares waking up in a hospital ward.

I had a counsellor who asked me to discuss my own death and how I felt about it. I said I didn’t want to talk about death, but perhaps look out for the bus was the most likely challenge in my own sense of safety. Yes large turning vehicles seemed to me at the time to be the biggest risk in my life as I’m often rushing around on foot in congested or urban spaces.

I volunteered for a while at Arnos Vale Cemetery where we were cutting back the brambles and tidying up the grounds. I learned that the rolled up paper meant either a life with lots of years (thick rolled up parchment) or a short page meant a life that ended too early.

I guess I would say the best time to die to when you have done all the things you felt you wanted to do with your life, perhaps you set out your course in life and completed it. Its not a nice thing to dwell on, but maybe my counsellor was right, that sometimes its worth thinking about, as it could help us be more aware of the chances life gives us and determine to live our best lives. 🙂